Skip to main content

Abusive relationships, what I think

Hey,  Hannah here,
A lot of women all around the world get abused every day. Whether in harmful relationships, or toxic marriages, or in the work place. A lot of women are being treated like their lives don't matter and do you know the worst part? They don't do anything about it. They allow themselves to be subdued, though they do not say it, their silence does, they are agreeing that they do not matter.
Many women allow their husbands to treat them like dirt because it shows "respect". What is the deal with our tradition and respect? Respect is fine. It's great when someone respects you and it is important to show respect as well  if you want it reciprocated. In that case, respect is fine but it gets to a point when you need to draw the line. Respect is not when you allow a man to beat you because you burnt the stew (or for any reason, that was just what came to my mind), or when you allow your boss to take advantage of you. That is not respect. Stand up for yourself, take charge of the situation, no one is allowed to take away your rights. 
Some women are scared and that's fine It's okay to be scared, you’re scared of what they will say (society is constantly judging everyone), of what he'll do and its okay. Just remember, it doesn’t matter what he can do to you, what matters is your life. You are choosing to remain in a toxic relationship that could potentially kill you or harm you. Leave the relationship, it's not worth it. 
I am not speaking against men but I am speaking against men who think they are better, or more superior to other women. I am speaking against abusers who victimise women in relationships. I am speaking against the stigmatization of the few brave women who stand up to say "enough is enough" and who refuse to be ruled by close minded men. I am speaking against the Nigerian belief that this abuse is part of our culture it is not. No one, no matter their colour, beliefs, gender anything, deserves to be treated that way. Even if it was part of our culture (which it’s most certainly not), it can change, if there is anything I learnt during Social Studies it is that culture is dynamic, it doesn’t stay still it is ever changing, keeping up with the modern world.
What I always found... interesting is how "possesiveness" in literature, at least in the few romance books I've read (I'm not a fan of romance) and on Wattpad (if you are a bookworm in need of free books to read or a writer looking for some experience or a little bit of both then this is the website for you, you can also download it, too) , is displayed as "cute", if you read a phrase like:
"I don't want you near that boy," Ivan said with a look on his face that said not to ask. Mira simply nodded not daring to question him. 
On wattpad and scrolled down to the comments you will see comments like "Oh my gosh that is so cute" or "he's so jealous, it's adorable" or even "I need an Ivan". I am all confused, yes it's clear he's jealous and that can be a good thing sometime but he has no right to limit her freedom. It's clear that she is scared of him and it's obvious that he is hiding things (wow, all of that from two lines) so their relationship is pretty much useless. He cannot limit her without a good reason. What is so cute about that? Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it.
I understand that I am probably not the best person to speak on this as I have never even been in a relationship let alone an abusive one but I have eyes. I can see it, I can see women being hurt, dying from these relationships, I can see brave broken souls been out casted by society for standing up for their rights and loving themselves more. I have never been in a relationship but I know it takes a lot of emotion and I know it is hard to let go of someone you once loved but you have to be strong, you just have to.
I know may brave women who have taken the risk and have no regrets, my mother inclusive.  You can choose to remain in the relationship forever unhappy or you can leave and be happy, it's all your choice.
I want to speak on harrasment in the workplace. Say, your boss, who is male decides that it's time for a promotion but says he wont give it to  you without you sleeping with him. That is a great example of harassment. I watched another episode of the good doctor where an intern, (a trainee doctor who isn't respected up to a real doctor. In an argument they will likely take the doctors side), Doctor Browne, is harassed by a senior who asks her to go out with him and looked at her threateningly, prior to the asking out, he would unnecessarily touch her and she felt uncomfortable with that and she answered no. He cornered her  and asked her threateningly. Pause. That, that right there is harassment, she eventually refused and she was scared to file a complaint against him because he had more power and they would likely side him, he also had the power to make work hell. In the end, she did, if you are scared, it's ok. Remember you are brave, strong, broken, beautiful. Do it, it will be worth it.
*                                            **                                                   ***

Hey guys! Don't  forget to follow the blog on Twitter at Hannah Kay05 for news and updates on the blog. If you have a problem or an issue or anything you want to discuss you can send an email to thelittlethings58@gmail.com and I will reply. Don't forget to comment! 
I'm Hannah Kay and I'm  just a teenage girl sharing the world the way she views it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Why do girls wear short skirts?" he asked me.

Hey, Hannah here, One night, a boy asked me a question and it really got me thinking. After a lot of thinking I came up with an answer that I want to share with all of you. He asked "Why do girls like to wear short skirts?" In boarding school it's not uncommon for girls to ride their skirts up or fold it to make it shorter and some tighten their skirts but why? I thought really hard about it. We just want to feel beautiful, we want to be noticed, to feel loved and to love. A lot of girls go the extra length- those super tight jeans, that showy shirt, a lot wear make up just so they can feel beautiful, Everyone knows that Queen Bee in most high school movies and series. No one ever considers that maybe just maybe  she's just as insecure as the rest of us. She has tooth pick legs but no one ever considers that she's anorexic, they see that she is a bully but no one considers that maybe she is just insecure and whats to see some one else as unsure of them selves (...
3 comments
Read more

Hey, Hannah Here

Hey there, I'm Hannah Kay and I honestly think there's nothing overly special about me. I am just another teenager trying to get noticed in the world, just another person trying to get their story out to the world, trying to be heard. You're probably wondering why I chose this to be the name of my blog. Well you see it all kind of started like this. ever since I was around... 9? I am not too sure. Some certain topics intrigued me. I'd spend hours and hours researching over them, poring over the little things, the tiny details that to me mattered the most. I went from the Victorian and Elizabethan eras; reading classics and history textbooks and  articles to mythology; Greek, Norse and even Roman; there was the chemistry phase too, the racism, the Martin Luther King, the Margaret Thatcher and so many more. I went from arts to sciences, from biology to Literature.  During each phase I  picked up a lot of information on lots of topics. Anytime there is an intelligent di...
19 comments
Read more

#antibully

Bullying. What does the word make you think of? Maybe you imagine a small weedy boy getting hit by a big beefy boy. And in many ways the image is kind of correct but I like to think of that as "old school bullying". It seems like bullying has evolved from this, its grown bigger and uglier. People still get bullied the old fashioned way and it doesn't make that any less ugly or any less wrong. We owe a lot; jobs, lives, friendships, relationships etc to the creation of this huge amazing thing called the Internet. Without the Internet you wouldn't be able to read this blog or watch Netflix but as with all good things, something horrible has also come out of it. Cyberbullying. Kids have decided that mean pranks aren't enough, hell no, they have to take it to the next level. There is this Disney Channel show, Binny and the ghost, that I was obsessed with. It's basically about a girl that meets a ghost (surprise!) and they become an unstoppable crime solving team...
Post a Comment
Read more

Body positivity and beauty

Hey, Hannah here, I wanted to talk a bit about body positivity. Maybe not all, but lots of girls feel they aren't pretty enough, they ask  themselves,  questions like  "Is my nose too big?" and " What about my eyes?" As a girl I know exactly what it feels like to stand in front of the mirror for hours and hours wondering why I cant be prettier. The truth is it's not only girls that are insecure about their looks, boys can be too. The word has decided that if you don't look a particular way then you are "ugly". Unfit, not good enough, the media pastes pictures of  "beautiful" models with their tiny stick legs and even tinier waists. Everything about them is just so...  tiny.  They make it seem like if you do not look like them, if you don't look like a pin or aren't battling with anorexia, then you aren't beautiful. To me beauty isn't the way you look, its so much deeper, so much more significant than the way you loo...
2 comments
Read more

Struggles with society

  Hey Hannah here, Have you ever felt like society is way too demanding? I  mean all these do's and dont's;  it gets frustrating. These are what I have face: *My grades need to be higher *My weight needs to be lower *My boobs need to be bigger *My waist needs to be smaller *My face needs to be prettier *So my friends will have to seem uglier *My hair needs to be longer *My skirt needs to be shorter I could go on and on and on about how society wants you to be this and that.  It gets so frustrating. It's just never enough. You need to be smarter but not so smart you are a smartypants, you need to talk to boys or you are too "conservative" but not or you are proud. You need to be bubbly but not so much that you are talkative. Honestly I am tired of everything. You can never seem to do anything right. More. It's always more. Society always wants more and I am sick of it.  Sick of never being enough, of always needing more, of giving...
Post a Comment
Read more

Let's talk about the "D"

Hey Hannah here, Yes, it's time. "Time for what?" you ask. It's time to talk about something we've all been hiding from, that we have repeatedly ignored time and time again, something I think we are scared of. That's right lets talk about the "D". I can practically see you confused, probably thinking "what in cheesecakes is the "D?" or you're like me, you get so sucked into what you're reading that you don't even bother to think you just keep going, your mind avidly exploring the pages as if it were a new universe. The "D" my dear readers, is Depression. We generally tend to avoid this during discussion and it's starting to make me worry that we are scared of it. You are  probably wondering why, what makes it worrying that we are scared of the "D". The thing is  yes, its not a very comfortable topic but it is necessary that we open our eyes and realise that it is a major issue in todays society an...
2 comments
Read more

People have changed history, so can you!

Hey Hannah here, Over the years people have done great things. We have discovered, we've learnt, we've lost, we've changed or adapted to certain changes in our environment or lives, we've fought, we've loved, we've done things we never could have fathomed we could, we've written, we've saved and have changed the world to become ours. It gets to a time that we have to stop and celebrate the people that have aided our achievements. That made mistakes, learnt from it ad have helped the world become better. These people have fought and some won while others lost. Whether they won or lost matters very little all that truly matters is that they gave it a try and they learnt. Learn more about these people who made the difference. This list is in no particular order, it's just random. *Marie and Pierre Curie: Marie was a Polish born French physicist. She and her husband discovered radioactivity and the radioactive elements: polonium and radium. Durin...
Post a Comment
Read more

#SYD and trolls

You know it's very funny the things people can say, do, when they are behind a screen. The Internet has done amazing things. Created jobs, saved and changed lives but with all good things there is a bad side. The Internet is full of trolls. People who have nothing better to do than to try to bring you down. They don't see their lives getting any better, they don't see any purpose for themselves so they try to stop you. I understand sometimes on certain social media, say Youtube, people upload content that are of poor quality or are even harmful or offensive. In such cases it is understandable to express yourself in the comment  section, I mean thats what it's for; feedback. But when you do it to harm another person, then it's wrong. It's trolling. People online say things they couldn't face to face because the have the power of anonymousity, isn't that cowardice? It  shouldn't be like that. Lot's of people get depressed because of comments like...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Impossible Zone

Hey, Hannah here,   Have you ever reached a time in your life when it looks like its all crumbling down and it is about to fall down and you're just like, "God, why?" Everything in your life seems to be going wrong and all you can do is to ask "why?". Why things always have to go wrong, why you can't just be happy, why life just cant be perfect. There's frustration and desperation coursing through you veins... Welcome to the impossible zone.  I watched a Ted talk video where there is this 13 year old Indian boy. In the video I watched him change Impossible to I'm possible. He was born with a condition that rendered him unable to stand or carry heavy weights it was said he would not live past a few days but he made it. He could memorise long words and their spellings as well as numbers quite easily. He started singing at a very young age and his parents took him to vocal training in both American and  Classical Indian music. He did a ragarap cove...
Post a Comment
Read more