a teenage boy's guide to growing up

Hey Hannah here,

Dear teenage boy,
Welcome, young grasshopper. So you're growing up now, huh. Well let me give some some advice and rules to set you off on your long, long journey of self discovery and truth.
Rule number one(probably the most important one); Never, ever show emotion. Come on, we all know emotions are overrated. Who the hell cares if you're broken up underneath, or if you're depressed and even suicidal? No one does, so feel free to  pretend as if everything is okay. It's a manly thing to do isn't it? Don't ever look sad, not very manly, is it? Remember,big boys don't cry. It doesn't matter if at the end you commit suicide, at least at your burial people can say:
"He was such an emotionless boy, very manly too."
"Nobody knew him but at least he was manly."
"Depressed, but at least he was manly."
"He never once cried, how manly!"
That's what they'll remember you for, manliness. Sounds splendid, right? So go ahead, pretend as if it's fine, cover it all up with layer's of manliness, dont ever cry or show emotion, the world will remember you as a cold harsh man but hey, you'll be manly.

 Rule number 2; be a jerk. Everyone loves a narcissistic idiot, with little to no human compassion towards other human beings. Niceness is so last season. Try being mean! Simply think about no one but yourself and even try a little bit of bullying. Guaranteed to make you a major jerk. I mean every time you punch him or tell her she's useless its only their lives and self esteem you're destroying. Nothing much. People, specifically girls, will love you so much that they will give you lovely little nicknames, like douchebag, bully, insensitive piece of ..., and if you're lucky you may even get called a ..... (lets  keep it pg), now that's real love. You should also hang out with other jerks because anyone else is a "nerd"... or worse, dare I say, a "dork". you must  avoid socialising or doing anything not related to bullying with them. They are inferior beings with IQ's higher than the amount of girls you've done (and that's saying something). So go ahead, start bullying today!

Rule number three; be a manwhore. How to be a manwhore? I hear you ask. Simple dont think with your brain, use  the thing between your legs for that instead, you'll be guaranteed a ladies' man. Sleep with anything that has two legs, is a girl and is willing (sorry, she has to be willing or it's called rape and you don't want trouble with the police). Don't know what to do if they are not willing? Have no fear simply chase after girls and tell them sweet, sweet lies about how you love her until she gets tired of you and agrees to do you. NOTE; avoid virgins at all costs, they tend to be clingy and actually believe your lies, you don't want some perfect, sweet, amazing, and totally angelic girl following you up and down now do you? She'll ruin your reputation as a player so break her heart if you want she'll only spend the next twenty four hours on netflix with a tub of Ben & Jerry's or Coldstone (ice cream) watching "the notebook" after crying into boxes of Kleenex tissues but don't worry you're a jerk and a player, right? the ladies love you and you love them too, what relationship could be better than never settling and toying with girls emotions? (by the way, you don't know me when the girls decide that enough is enough and they attack you until they break something or they ruin your chances of having babies or if a jealous boyfriend comes after you)

 Rule number 4; never ever study. I mean, you don't want to be mistaken for a nerd, do you? Don't worry, its just your future and your nonexistent career going down the drain. Studying is for losers, who cares if you're the worst student in the school, younger classes inclusive? If you must study, do it last minute before any major exam where no one can see you.
Rule number 5(last one for now); party all night. I mean, what else will you be doing during all those times you were meant to study? It's also a great place to practice your whoring skills, since there'll be lots of half drunk girls ready for you to use for a one night stand. If you want you can even throw a party in the comfort of your own home, without your parent's permisssion (apart from being grounded till you graduate. From college. Or when your younger brother finishes med school, what's the worst that could happen?) then you can save the stress of having to walk or drive all the way to your friend's AKA fellow jerk (you don't talk to dorks remember?) house for the party. Remember to put volume all the way up and hope that they don't report you to the police.
Those are all the rules for now. Follow them to the letter and you will guaranteed be a great person.
Lots of love,
your aunt Meg.

Sorry if you found this really cliched I just got so sick of boys thinking it was cool to do any of the things up there. I'm also sorry about the third rule where it gets to the girl and she's on Netflix with the ice cream, I know not all girls are like that, hell I'm not like that, i just thought using a cliched piece would bring out my point though I understand if you are upset. I apologize for any other offensive stereotypes or cliches I may have used. I wanted to try a different style what I usually do and this was fun to write. I may do another one on boys or one for girls depending on how well this is received, comment your opinions below please, thanks.
I'm Hannah Kay and I'm just a teenager sharing the world the way she views it.